Its not difficult to share a bed today, but it is difficult to hash things out the morning after. Its a clash with a whirlwind of thoughts on both sides of the mattress. Or not. Maybe its only one side.  Thats why I normally leave.  But why is it noon and we have yet to move?Things are about to get messy. Or again; maybe not. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but today holds a whole lot of restlessness. And I never over think these trivial matters. Perhaps that is when you know you care. In my experience its the messiest when things are left unsaid or undone. Only because it is then when you are left with questions. Its unfortunate that I already know the answers. …your silence only solidifies them.

Free will is an interesting thing.


“You’d would be surprised”  I told my cousin.  He was talking about the time period in which we live in.  His theory was that today we put too much emphasis on what everyone thinks.  To be honest, Im sure everyone has always cared about what other people think.  It was just always in a different vestige.  Now we have Instagram, and we try to impress people on the basis that our life looks cooler than that of our peers.  You know what, it might. Interestingly enough, two hundred years ago, we looked at how many slaves we each owned and tried to validate our lives based on how little we had to do for ourselves. We’ve always cared about what others think. Either way, its fucked.

Now days, we are inexperienced.  Looking on towards those who dominate in regards to how many followers they have rather than the substance they hold in their hearts.  I try to imagine it like this: Its like were in an olympic sized pool, floating, however, we never see the deep end of the pool.  Always forced to sit in the shallow end with our water wings and foam noodles, looking envious at the sleek experienced ‘professionals’ from afar hoping that one day we may be able to take a leap from the diving board, fearlessly.

If we have the know how to take a leap without having to watch the pompous, why is it that were so captivated about how the professionals do it?  Can’t we just do it on our own? If you do what you love, and you love what you do, should there be any other worry….?


Growing up

I remember a time where it was easy to visualize where and what you wanted out of life.  But now, being so inundated with the plights of what actually is the real world, I just want to sleep.  Its 4 am here, so do with that information what you will.  Make your judgements, cast upon me your thoughts of fright, restlessness and immaturity.  Some say only god can judge, but not even he can place me in such low regard of what I already think of myself. That isn’t to say that I am a victim of self loathing, but rather a victim of what was in contrast to what I can be.

Just an uninformed American commenting on doctor’s visits.

     Any one have any clue as to why it costs so much to go to the doctor?  You stuck a Popsicle stick down my throat and assuming I didn’t have health insurance, I would have to pay you nearly 100 dollars?  Screw you.  What are your overhead projections here?  Yes, I understand medicine can be a costly venture, which is feasible.  If I can be willing to pay 60 bucks for a great steak, I’m pretty sure I can foot the bill for generic prescriptions.  
     Maybe if you decided to worry about the patient; the reason I am sure you joined the profession in the first place, you would get a lot more out of it. Don’t empty your wallet; I don’t want your pity, just a change of the status quot.  
     Now, I get that major surgery and things of the like can be expensive.  But the price of a used super car is not what I want to spend to get a tumor removed.  If that were the case, I may as well buy the super car and die a few years or months later and enjoy my final days.  Shit, to make it even better, I might as well run that thing off a cliff at 150 miles per hour with a dip in and a fellow cancer stricken stripper sitting on my face.   
     But seriously physicians… why do you cost so much?  My issue isn’t pressing.  I have a sore throat.  I have a toe nail fungus.  My erection has lasted longer than four hours.  You greedy bastards.  Let’s say my plumbing failed.  That’s a major issue! And yet, for some reason, my plumber is a cheaper expense than is getting sick.  Maybe plumbers should work with doctors.  They both could benefit.  If a plumber sees a failing septic system, he could let it fail and then when everyone gets sick from having a cess pool in his or her back yard, the doctor could cut him a share for not fixing it! It’s brilliant! ….or illegal… either way, foresight is 20/20 at the moment.